Action plans in the snow

This weekend I got to spend a lot of intentional time just me and God. I came into it with an agenda. I told God if we could do this, that would be great. Anything else you want to throw in is good too. He humored me for part of the weekend but surprised me with a lot more than I expected. 

I asked God how to steward well the different dreams He’s given me and it basically came down to “Just keep your eyes on me. You’re trying to tailor your encounters with me. Just be with me." Oof. 

Not knowing what else to do in that moment I decided to go for a walk. 

It was beautiful. It was lightly snowing and no one was around. I saw a few fallen trees suspended about ten feet in the air and I wanted to climb them. I went through all the reasons why I shouldn't but when I got closer I saw boot prints leaving the path. I was sold. I felt ridiculous trying to hop through the deep snow but because there were already big boot prints I made it to the tree. 

Now came the fun part. I knocked off the twelve inches of snow on the fallen tree, somehow climbed one of the supporting trees and discovered I could still mount a balance beam like I used to. I made it halfway across the tree, held my breath (no idea why) and jumped. 

Now I had no idea how deep the snow was or what was under it but it was so much fun throwing out the rules of how I thought I should act in this place of quiet and solitude. It is a lot of fun trying to run through the snow and face planting. 

So what is the point of this story? Lately God had become a work buddy, someone to dream and vision cast with. I had action plans and To Do lists post-it noted throughout my journal. I knew how to relate to Him as boss but not so much as daughter. I realized I liked keeping God in a box because He is not scary or someone to be afraid of when I can understand Him. It is scary to let go of my sense of control. 

All weekend I kept seeing these pictures of Jesus holding me. I did not know what to do with that. I had a checklist and Jesus had his arms wide open with that look on His face that says "Come on, you know you want to," daring me to jump on Him. Sometimes we just need to give in. Sometimes Jesus wants to snuggle with us and play in the snow instead of coming up with a plan. There is no such thing as wasted time when you're with Him.