The Art of the Face Plant

God has been reworking my perceptions lately. It is very challenging, to say the least. My idea of making a mistake and of calling sin sin is changing. It is hard to admit you are weaker than you want to believe. It is hard to see your Father's expectations of you are not nearly as hard to reach as your expectations of yourself. When it is not okay to make a mistake because that means you are a failure, or worse, there is no rest. It is tiring to try to work for approval, love and acceptance.

In dealing with the lie that I should be stronger (a lie which leaves no room for weakness or mistakes), I saw myself standing on my Daddy’s feet learning to walk. He goes slowly, engaging all the muscles needed to walk and eventually dance. He’s bent over, beaming, holding my hands to steady me as we go. Instead of walking across the room Himself, He takes much smaller steps, bringing me with Him.

Today I asked Him, “What do you expect of me right now?”

I then see myself standing, looking at my Father. I think about taking a step toward Him but instead face plant.

My first thought is Ow...

But then I am afraid to look up. He’s going to look at me with sadness and disappointment. I only thought about taking a step. I never actually did it.

I fearfully steal a glance away from the floorboards and as expected see tears in my Father’s eyes, except instead of sorrow I see joy and pride.

“Why?” I ask. “Why are you proud of me? I fell.”

He picks me up and holds me close. “I am proud of you because you are my daughter and you tried. That is all that matters. It is not about falling; it is about trying, even thinking about trying. I will always pick you up and hold you close. It is not about being stronger than your circumstance. You can be strong because your Daddy is strong and you are on my feet. But it’s not about that either. First and foremost you are my daughter. You were born a daughter. I only expect you to be a daughter.”