Moving

Well, after approx 2 months of blogging silence I have finally updated. During this interlude I managed to:

1)      Finish my senior paper on the influence Roman religion had on the Cult of the Saints

2)      Graduate magnum cum laude with my History B.A. from Northwestern College

3)      Move into an apartment

4)      Begin actively job hunting

5)      Discover the word “pooly” cannot be said without having a Cockney English accent.

This is an interesting and exciting time of life for sure. There is so much newness to revel in. It is a sense of being alive. There are places to be explored, books to be read and maybe even written, and friends to spend time with.

Already I’ve found myself continuing to study Latin (though that isn’t much of a surprise to those who really know me). My bookshelf is finally organized by genre and size, and I can once again see the carpet in my bedroom as the number of overstuffed bags full of unknown items was greatly reduced this morning. As Lauren (roommate last semester) would say, I am sure it is “a hoot” to watch me tiptoe around the leaning towers of folders, clothes and picture frames (not to be confused with the Leaning Tower of Pisa, though they do bear some remarkable similarities) as they wait to find their more permanent home.  

I also am learning how my many dreams fit, or don't fit, together. There are many things I truly enjoy doing, but now I need to discover how I can use them in a career setting. I’ve come a long way from the little girl who used to teach her stuffed animals how to read and who dreamt of becoming an Olympic Gymnast. God has grown my heart immensely and blessed me with some amazing adventures, including the one I am one now.

Bones by Hillsong

You can take my dry bones

Breathe life into this skin

You called me by name

Raised me to life again

You can calm the oceans

Speak peace into my soul

Take me as I am

Awaken my heart to beat again

Oh Jesus, oh Jesus, oh Jesus

Alive in me

You move in the unseen

You set the captives free

As I stand and sing

You’re breaking the chains off me

Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus

Alive in me, alive in me

Alive in me, alive in me

Alive in me, alive in me, alive in me

Breathe in me Your life

I can feel you are close now

I can never hide

You are here and You know me

All I need is you and I love You

I love You, I love You, I love You

Breathe in me Your life

Till Your love overtakes me

Open up my eyes

Let me see You more clearly

Falling on my knees till I love like You love

Like You love me, I love You

Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus

Alive in me

De Romanum

The writings of the ancient Romans always invoke in me a sense of awe and sadness simultaneously. I am always amazed at the topics the ancients discussed are the same as today. (Ovid even mentions the hatred between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law (Fasti II.626). Made me smile reading that one.) Sadness floods my heart when I realize yet again the strivings of man will never bring one to a right relationship with God. The comprehensive writings of philosophers will fall short of truth. The sacrifices and prayers offered in the name of piety to statues and shrines will fall on deaf ears.

I am currently reading Cicero's De Natura Deorum (On the Nature of the Gods) in which he discusses the origin of the universe and of the gods and all aspects of deity. He states:

"[T]he ruling principle of the whole of nature is contained must in the same way be the most perfect of all... the universe therefore must be divine and so must the element by which the whole strength of the universe is held together." (II.11)

While the rest of his theology was untruth, this statement is so close. He was just missing the vital piece which is Christ. He understood the ruling reason behind the universe was divine much like Christians know God to be the maker and ruler of the universe (Heb 2:10). Cicero understood the element which held together the universe must be divine as well. We know this to be Christ as Hebrews 1:3 states, "The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word."

Cicero died in 43 B.C. without knowing the truth about the salvation that comes through God to those who believe. It is heartbreaking knowing there are so many people today who are in the same boat, and it is a wakeup call to believers. We do not have the luxury of complacency. When I truly understand who God is and what Christ has done for me I cannot help but live fully for Christ in such a way that compels others to search for God and the hope He gives.

It is one thing to write firey words laced with a call to action, it is another to act upon this challenge placed before me. One response is to hide behind my words and hope others don't call me out on it, but the other is to be constantly in prayer begging God for less of me and more of Him and to be in the Word letting God's words soak into my heart and change it so when I do walk out my door I am better able to emulate God to others. Thank you God for the friends who hold me accountable to this.

Great Quote

This is a great quote from DA Carson's book For the Love of God, pg 23.

"People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; we drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; we drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated."

Last First Day

Yes the countdown is on. I successfully completed my last first day of my college career. Today was full of meeting new people, discovering how much I am going to enjoy my classes and spending lots of time in the summer sun before all warmth flees Minnesota when fall and winter charge us and turn us back into the frozen tundra for which we are known.

Have I mentioned how much I love being a history major? I am taking a Latin class this semester and it will be pretty amazing learning to read the language of Cicero, Virgil and Livy. So cool!! It is such a beautiful language too.

For history sem this is my assignment:

I get to decipher that! I can’t tell you how excited I am about that. It is a combination of Egyptian, Greek and Sumerian symbols, and we are to treat it like we would a text written in an unknown language. Right now you are giving the computer screen the same look my roommates gave me, and almost everyone else for that matter. But that’s okay because I still love doing this. : ) My roommate joked that the way to my heart is to speak a dead language.

The day was ended cooking a potato pesto soup then worshiping with the other ladies in my dorm building. My soul is thirsty for so much more of God right now. It was immensely refreshing worshiping as the body today during chapel and again at Beloved.

Singing in the rain, just singing in the rain!

When the rain starts pouring there are two options: stay inside, curl up with a book or a movie and take a nap or go outside and run, dance and sing in the rain. So naturally, since it is still warm outside, I chose the rain. There is something so refreshing about charging the puddles and jumping as high as you can to see how big the splash is.

So now to dry off. : )

Phoenix, a Chapter book and a phase

Yes, in every cliché sense of these words, oure lives are often described as these things. One must end so another can begin. The old must fade into the past so the new can rise. However, as a history lover, I love to study the past be it something as distant as the Sumerians, as recent as the Romans, or as current as reflecting on my bad decision to listen to Fireworks by Katy Perry one more time (because it has been stuck in my head these last few weeks).

Alright, enough of the awkward cliche talk. My point in all of this—reflection and change. Summer is quickly drawing to an end and my last semester of college is fast approaching. This summer has been full of intense growth that has stretched me in some hard (but so good) ways. God has been teaching me a lot about where I find my security, be they my plans for the future, people, image. He is refining my heart and pointing out the things I’ve held as idols and security blankets and is replacing them with Himself. Slowly my death grip on these fake securities is loosening and trust in my Father is growing, a truly freeing feeling.

A Matthew 10 kind of trip

God did some amazing things in our hearts and those we were able to talk with. The plan was we would team up with a seminary (students acted as our translators) and a local church and spend the week doing door-to-door evangelism at the houses the church member picked out ahead of time. This was an amazing experience! I wish you could have been there as well. God was working in some pretty awesome ways. We arrived in India on a Friday and attempted to get over the 10 ½ hour time zone difference. Saturday we girls got two dresses the Indian women wore and we met the church members and our translators and had orientation that afternoon. It was a good time of fellowship.

Sunday our group split up and we went to two different churches to worship. It was such an encouraging time being with other believers from a different part of the world and worshipping in different languages but worshipping the same God. Just by their worship and their prayer you could tell they understood who God was. They understood His holiness and power. It was an emotional experience worshipping with them and it was convicting when looking at our church services centered around programs and the style of music and style of preaching. We ate lunch together and had some more training. (Ok side note, our bananas are pretty gross when compared to those picked right off a tree. They were amazing!)

Monday rolled around (by far my favorite day of the trip) and we were preparing to head out for our first day of evangelism. I was a little nervous about this but decided that since God was the one who changes peoples’ hearts He was also the one who would be speaking through me. Matthew 10:19-20 kept coming to mind so I knew I didn’t have to worry about what to say.

The American team split up so there were 2 of us in each town. We were in 5 towns and the trip leaders went around to the towns to make sure we had everything we needed and answered questions. Mike and I got to work in Pastor Royson’s town. He was the pastor we teamed up with. He has such a heart for the lost and it was contagious. You could see God written all over his face whenever he talked about his Savior.

Samson (my translator), Sinjin (church planter and teacher), Suma (church member, such a dear woman. We couldn’t speak to each other so we would just smile at each other and try to use nonverbal to communicate.), and I headed out and began our day at Suma’s house to talk with her husband. One of the tools we used in evangelism was the evangecube. It is a cube with pictures on it to help you tell the story of the Gospel. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was working in some mighty ways because I wasn’t very good at it but God used our faithfulness anyway. The four of us got to see 10 people come to know the Lord. It was a phenomenal experience seeing the joy shining forth on Samson, Sinjin and Suma's faces and the hope rising in the new believers' faces as we explained the Gospel and prayed with them. It was just so cool! Mike and his team met up with us for lunch then we headed out again.

Around four that afternoon my group was sitting outside Suma’s house waiting for Mike’s group to come and the new believers so we could have a Bible study and talk about the Bible and some of the basics of Christianity. However, Samson and Sinjin got a text saying part of our team was in trouble and we had to go. I didn't really undersatnd what was going on at first but the concern in their faces said it was time to go. Right as we were about to pray Mike and his group showed up and we prayed together. Samson’s father, a pastor in a neighboring town, had driven down that afternoon to help us and he drove Mike and I to Pastor Royson’s house. He told us to get back into the car right away and go to the hotel because someone had just drove by looking for us. The houses we had gone to that day were all down a maze of roads from the main road so it was a little harder to find us.

We got back to the boat and waited for the rest of the groups to show up. Hannah, my roommate and a girl I got to know very well on this trip, came running out from the boat that would take us to our hotel and gave me a big hug. Her group had people coming up and yelling at them to go away and she told me three of our group members had been arrested for proselytizing. Another group had to escape out the backdoor because there were some people waiting to jump them at the front. This explained the worried looks I had seen on my groups and the pastor’s faces. We found out our groups had seen 36 people come to know the Lord that day! How amazing! No wonder the enemy was getting nervous.

Eventually the other groups came back and we headed to the hotel to wait. We had no idea what was really going on and all we could do was wait. It was a pretty amazing experience though. I loved praying with our team and listening for what God was saying. A few weeks before the trip my pastor had talked about getting all you can out of the God experiences so I grabbed my Bible and it was amazing the things God was saying. Since Isaiah is my favorite book I turned there and so many verses jumped out. Isaiah 41:9-14 was one of the first ones to stick out. I had prayed that God would speak through me before the trip and then God brought me to Isaiah 50:4-5. I was worried about the new believers so God showed me Isaiah 51:4-7. I asked God about our friends in jail and God said Isaiah 51:12-14. As I always have a song in my head, I couldn’t stop singing Healer by Hillsong. The presence of God was just so strong! His peace was amazing!

Around 9ish that night our friends were released and we were taken to a hotel about 2 hours north of where we were staying. We cried and sang praise songs and prayed on the ride there. The next day we wait to find out our flight information. We had to leave the state within 24 hours but because the travel office was in the US and 10 ½ hour behind us, it took a little longer to get flights figured. Michael, one of our trip leaders, asked if anyone wanted to stay longer and go to a different state. Hannah and I volunteered for this and the three of us went on to Delhi and the rest of the team went home.

We were in Kerala during the monsoon season but so far had not experienced any rain. It rained before we arrived in Kerala and Monday night and Tuesday and Wednesday morning. This wasn’t a little rain either. It was cool how God stopped the rain for His purposes to be accomplished and then when it was time to go the rain came again.

Delhi was totally different from the more tropical Kerala we were in previously. There wasn’t humidity for one which was a huge bonus. It was about 120 when we were there so it was still pretty hot but we didn’t sweat as much. Delhi was a lot more urban and the poverty and homelessness was more obvious. We met up with a pastor in the evenings and attended a few of his prayer meetings. Again, it was just so encouraging being with other believers and worshipping together. The rest of the time we were in the hotel. Hannah and I got to talk a lot which was a lot of fun and we shared our dreams and what God was doing in our lives.

Friday we got to do a little training with the church members. Charles, one of the e3 staff we got to hang out with, did the HIV/AIDES cube, Michael preached and I did the evangecube. We walked down to the next house church and it was across from a Hindu temple. A little metal door in the side of a wall led into the living room area. Before the meeting started I got to talk a little with the pastor and father of the family whose house we were at. Bilbal was in an accident a few years back and had a lot of problems with his leg healing so he was bedridden for about 3 years. During that time the pastor came daily and taught him theology and he got his associates in theology. They are planning to have him be the associate pastor and help create more churches. It was so good talking with them. He and the pastor have such a burden for their neighbors and it was just so encouraging seeing their passion for the Lord. The pastor travels about an hour each way to visit the various church groups and prayer meetings around the city he oversees. He has such a heart for his congregation.

Hannah has a true gift with children and she got to play with the kids before the prayer meeting. They can really dance too! She led the Bible study that night which was great because of the number of kids there. During the Bible study the power went out and we were in complete darkness. They got some candles out and used a cell phone light to read the Bible. I wish I had a way to capture that time in the dark on film because it was just so special spending that time with them studying the Word.

The next morning we flew out and began the long journey home to the States. God really did some amazing things on this trip. About a week after we came back we heard from Pastor Royson that new churches were started and 2 more had become believers. At church that Sunday their worship was uninterrupted and the threats stopped. Praise God for the many things He is doing in India right now! Thank you for allowing God to use you as part of this as well. Please continue to be in prayer for the Indian church. One thing the seminary students and pastors often said was “pray for me and my ministry”. I hope you will join me in prayer for them as well.

Hello, my name is...

India is 10.5 time zones away. Between the 10.5 time zones and four flights, we had no concept of what time it was anymore, a refreshing, though confusing experience. We finally get to India after way too many hours of travel and get settled into the hotel. Hannah and Diane were my roommates; and yes, I introduced the comfy pants dance.

The next day the pastor and his wife and daughter showed us around. India is gorgeous! Humid, but gorgeous, and the Arabian Sea is beautiful! Fishing boats floated carelessly out in the distance as the waves crashed against the shore spraying ten feet into the air. The salty breeze made the trees dance to the rhythm of the sea. There were men sitting nearby fixing their nets and a boy rode by on his bicycle. Busses, cars, and motor rickshaws pass us and people stare out the windows at us. We must have been quite the sight, six fairly white girls, a girl who could pass as an Indian and a young guy and an older man all obviously American in our dress and lack of knowledge of the language (Malayalam... or some spelling like that) and customs of Kerala. It was pretty amusing watching people watch us.

We got to meet a few of the church leaders and translators before Pastor Royson and his wife showed us around the area and took us shopping for our dresses. I can’t remember what they are called but they are ornately decorated and beautifully colored.

That afternoon we meet in our teams and practice the Evangecube. For those of you who don’t know what this is, it is a cube with pictures on it to use as you present the Gospel. I got to work with Mike, a grandpa who really loves the Lord. He has a deep love for God and for the lost and God has given him much wisdom. I wish I had more time to learn from him. We then met with our translators and the church members we would be working with. I got to work with Samson and Suma. It was such a blessing seeing the joy on their faces and God’s love shining through them. Samson has a heart for the hurting and the lost and it was so encouraging seeing his and Suma’s faith and passion. Suma and I would just smile at each other because we had no idea what the other was saying.

That night Hannah, Joanne and I got to talk a little and get to know each other better. One of the great things about short trips like this is you don’t waste time talking about the things that don’t matter. You jump right in and talk about what is on your heart. It was so encouraging hearing from these ladies’ hearts and their stories.

Living in Freedom

On our plane ride to Dubai I was really struggling with letting a fear from my past control me. The past month or so this had been growing. I had a chance to talk to Abby about it before I left which was really helpful but I dreamt about it on the plane. I woke up and I was frankly a little mad I was still focusing on this. So I just rebuked it and it went away. The most amazing peace flooded over me and I was in freedom. I love that I can’t explain it other than God. God took away the fear and the bondage instantly and began healing my heart. God’s freedom and His peace is astounding.

This is something I wrote after this:

We often allow ourselves to fall into bondage to something—a past mistake we keep reliving, doubts, fears, distractions. We all have them. We can name many of them at the drop of a hat and others we don’t even realize we are in bondage to until we are so deeply enslaved we can’t see the way out. We allow these bondages to become our gods. We settle for mediocrity knowing full well we can be free and are called to be free. We say “it is our cross to bear” (a total misunderstanding of what this phrase actually means) and can’t imagine life without our strange and twisted security blanket. With the amount of times I’ve struggled with this, you’d think I’d have it figured out by now that Christ’s freedom is so much better than what I chose to live in. But thank God for His forgiveness and grace! My mistakes keep reminding me I need a Savior.

Paul tells the church in 2 Corinthians there is so much more to life than the bondage they’ve allowed themselves to fall into. He loves the church too much to let them keep living in slavery. We are to God the aroma of Christ (2:15). We aren’t the smell of death but of Christ now. We are new creations (5:17). “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (3:17). We are the temple of the living God (6:16) and the temple is where the LORD lives. So why is it we allow ourselves to live in fear and bondage? What is holding us back from the true freedom Christ intended for us? We are told the Holy Spirit gives us power (Acts 1:8, John 14). He is the one who helps us overcome these things that hold us down. It is a two person work though. We have to be working alongside the Spirit allowing Him to change us from the inside out. We have to surrender control so He can free us.

The reason we are to get rid of this bondage is because of the price Christ paid to free us. We were intended to live with Christ (5:4). When we are living as we are intended, we flourish amazingly. Abby told me a story of a tulip in Alaska. Because it received sunlight 24 hours a day, its beauty shone forth in a way it does not in our climate. It was living in the sunlight it was created for and it shone that much more radiantly for it. When we are living in Christ’s love and understand who He is, we shine so much more brightly. It is Christ’s love that compels us (5:14).

But stand strong! When we are discouraged, God is our great Comforter (7:6). Godly sorry brings about repentance and not regret (7:10). We aren’t to look back to what held us down like the Israelites did in the desert as they looked back with a fondness to their slavery in Egypt. Not only does God comfort us with the Great Comforter but He also sends people to encourage us (7:6). Paul was harassed physically and emotionally but God comforted Him and sent Titus to comfort him as well. He encourages the Corinthian church with this: “I have great confidence in you; I take great pride in you. I am greatly encouraged; in all our troubles my joy knows no bounds.” When we are in need of comfort and encouragement, we only need ask. The Great Comforter will respond. He’ll place people in our path to encourage us as well.

When you travel, go without a map... it’s more fun

One of the things about traveling that I thoroughly enjoy is getting lost. Sometimes this creates stressful situations but for the most part, it takes me to places I would never have gone otherwise. (For example, try to drive through back roads from Nashville to Charleston without a map and a questionable sense of direction but with a big sense of adventure. It is the most gorgeous drive, albeit long, one you will ever take!) This time, I was going with a map and it gave us the wrong directions. My grandparents graciously offered to drive me to the train station Monday afternoon. We had printed off directions and the directions were wrong. Thankfully, I’d been that way before so after a few wrong turns we made it to the station, and on time at that!

The train took me to Minneapolis and my friend Mikalia’s apartment (though the train took an extra hour and a half with technical difficulties. Technical difficulties are just there to remind you that you aren’t in control despite your best efforts). The next day was full of visiting with friends. I got to talk with Mikalia for a few hours then we met up with Amanda, my dear friend Abby, some of the girls in the Bible study (who are like my family), and some Northwestern friends. I even got a call from my roommate who is currently climbing big things out in Colorado. My friends were so encouraging! Seeing the love in these women’s hearts was such a blessing. I hope you ladies know how much you mean to me.

Amanda took me to the airport the next day and I was pretty nervous. I figured that as long as I made my first flight, it would be easy sailing from there. I met up with a few members of the team in Chicago and the rest of the team in London. We were all really tired by this point and it made for some funny conversations. We walked around the airport trying to stay awake so we could adjust to the time zone difference, a challenge to be sure.

And so it begins

This past year I have been making it a habit to ask God to replace my dreams with His. This can be a dangerous thing to do because God will change your heart to be more like His when you seek Him. Prayer is a powerful tool I don't use as often as I should but God is changing my heart on that. God has been deepening my faith and growing me in some pretty amazing ways my whole life but these past years especially. It has been a time of intense growth and it has been painful but phenomenal.

In November, God laid on my heart India. Now I had no idea what this meant and my roommates and friends can attest to my wonderings. Italy had been my heart for the past 10 years or so (mainly because of their history) and I was hoping to possibly live there one day. I often joke that I am Italian at heart and the amount of pasta I consume weekly confirms it. It took a lot of wrestling in my heart and a lot of surrendering to God before I fully accepted this is what God was calling me to.
It was an amazing process God brought me through and is still bringing me through. There are so many things I had to work through in my heart and so many things I had to surrender to God. He showed me the many idols in my heart including my security, my dream of Italy, my plans for my future and my pride. I have to totally trust God that He is going to get me exactly where He wants me. My plans don't matter. Only Jesus and His glory matter. I'm sad to say it took me a few months before I firmly believed this again instead of just giving Him lip service in the name of my pride and reputation.

In March I signed up for a trip to Kerala, India through e3 Partners.  It was amazing to watch God bring support in. The generocity of my supporters and the speed at which the money came in was something only God could do. It was such a blessing seeing God work everything out. One of my prayers for this trip was that God would show me more of His plan for me and if that included India or if it was just this trip that would include India. Reguardless, this was going to be a very stretching experience.

I began studying more about the part of India I would be going to and praying for the team, the local church and for many to come to Christ. God was working in my heart in a mighty way and changing it to be more like His. Now the next thing to do was to get on the plane and head to India.