When you find yourself face-to-face with an uncomfortable decision, I find it best to leave it alone. I walk away and try to avoid it. Unfortunately, that is never a helpful response. I seem to be at one of these points. I have a glimpse of what I think the next faith step is but I am afraid to ask God. I am afraid of what He will say, or worse, won't say. What if I made this up and it is in fact not from God?
I’ve been reading about the Fall in
Genesis this last week. After Adam and Eve sinned, they hid themselves from
God. They did not want to admit their sin. They were ashamed for the first
times in their lives. I, in a similar fashion, have been hiding from God. I
still spend time with Him but it is more so on my terms. Not a whole lot comes
from that other than checking something off my to-do list. That is not the way
I want my relationship with a loving and just God to be, yet here I find
myself. I am afraid of the risks involved with walking toward God and going
deeper. Faith can be scary because we do not know the outcome. It is completely out of our hands and totally in God's. Do I trust Him enough to rely on Him?
I’ve had trouble continuing with Exodus because I see so much of myself in Moses. God tells Moses who He is and Moses hides his face in fear. God promises to deliver Israel
and to be with Moses. One phrase particularly stands out, “I promise that I
will bring you up out of the affliction of Egypt to the land (I promised your
forefathers)” (Ex 3:17). I tend to forget the promise that God gives us when He
leads us to something. I forget that it is only Him who has the ability to get
me where He wants me. I look more at the circumstances than Whom it is that is
drawing me toward them.
From the outside, this seems like
a small thing. However, deep within my heart this is leading toward a dream I
hold very dearly (probably too closely even). I think I am supposed to go to grad school but I do not know
with 100% confidence. This makes me even more hesitant to apply. I do not want to go
if God is not behind me. If He is behind this, then what if I don’t have what
it takes. I’m afraid to take that first step to even find out if this is
something God wants for me. There is no risk in doing nothing. It is easier to write about something or dream about something, but is another thing entirely to do something, to walk toward your dream.
It is a scary thing to dream with
God because He does let you know what the next step is. He does let you know
some of His dreams for you. Sometimes God does not want us to know what the
next step is just yet. Do we trust Him enough to keep seeking after Him and
trust that He will let us know when it is time?
He loves to dream with us and
to expand our dreams. We may think we have a great dream of impacting a few
people or even a city when God wants us to impact nations. Maybe we want to
impact nations but God wants us to go deep with a few
people and disciple them or strengthen our family or support missionaries and church planters financially. Whatever the case, God’s dreams always require faith.
If it is something you could feasibly do with a little help, then maybe it
isn’t big enough. If there is no faith involved and no risk, then maybe God
wants us to dream bigger.
Inspiring.
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